Best of Craigslist

Best of Craigslist http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best postings from craigslist.org, selected by readers en-us Copyright 2008, craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best of Craigslist Collection 2008-10-24T11:35:18-05:00 2 daily Hideous, Mean, Saggy-titted Cur http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/aus/891762377.html Okay, so about three months ago my roommate takes in this stray dog. She's horrible, and I'm a dog lover, so I don't say that lightly. I say that as heavily as possible. And please don't flag this post for removal, because there is a real dog whose life is at stake here, and although you may disagree with my not writing flowery Ad-Man prose about her, hell, I'm just being honest. This dog sucks. When my roommate found her on the streets, she was malnourished and skittish and had heart worms. You know, I've read more and more stories about pets being abandoned lately because of the economy. I recently got back from a gay wedding in California where one of the grooms had just rescued a Papillon he found starving in a ditch. He was neurotic and defensive for like the first few days, but now a week later he has settled in, and is doing great. And the Papillon's doing well, too. But this pendulously mammaried cur - Elzora, my roommate calls her, though you might as well be meowing at her, because she doesn't know the difference - she is not like that. Not. Like. That. At. All. This is not the precious, precocious Papillon someone rescues from a ditch. This is the miserable, ugly bitch (I use the term technically) that you make a little scrunchy-face at while glancing at it askance...before calling fricking Animal Control. Roomie, who seriously must have a heart the size of the state, felt sorry for her and took her in and he fed her and took her to the vet. Roomie and I are poor, but he treated her heart worms, got her shots, etc., all with the idea that eventually he was going to put her up for adoption here or take her to a no-kill shelter. (Roomie is also, evidently, a dreamer.) But then she's got behavior problems (which I'm getting to...), and is as ugly as a dead frog squashed by a semi (which I'm also getting to...), and has health issues likely stemming from past abuse (which oh boy, I'm getting to...). Elzora, or "Mama Dog," as she is more frequently called, is supposedly an Australian Kelpie (according to the vet) though she looks to me like she's got some Doberman in her. But ironically, Kelpies are renown for their agility. Mama Dog is supposedly around 2 years old, but is as agile as a drunk granny on crack. (UPDATE: The hive mind consensus is that she is more Dobie than Kelpie.) If you want to know what she looks like, she's a dead ringer for the Capitoline Wolf. Look it up on Wikipedia while the article is still accurate. So Elzora would be great if you had two infants, for example, that you wanted to abandon in the woods only to have them found Western Civilization. Without the two little baby statues beneath her, though, I have to say that the first thing you notice about Mama Dog is: nipples. Obscenely large nipples. We think she was probably used for breeding or something because there's really no other explanation. I'm not being cruel, I'm just saying. Because there's one nipple in particular that is really disturbing. The rest you could maybe overlook. But she has this one nipple that hangs really low, and it's fat, but then it gets really skinny, and then it gets fat again. It's like it's just barely hanging on, though it's not, and evidently there's nothing 'wrong' with it except how it looks. But man, that nipple is unsettling. Having been used for breeding might also explain the issue with her hind legs. When she lies down, it's normally with her legs fully extended, off to the side. And she walks funny, like her back legs don't bend that well. The vet didn't say anything about it and she doesn't appear to be in any pain, so it may have come from being raised cramped up in a cage, or from always being lying down, nursing puppies, or maybe from giving birth so many times: who knows. She doesn't really run unless she sees a squirrel, but even then it's kind of limpy-gimpy. She loves to play with tennis balls, but because of the past abuse to her rear legs, she just kind of lamely bats them around in front of herself with her front paws. It's endearing in a sad way. I don't know: maybe she'd make a good pet for someone who wanted to teach their children that life is cruel and unfair and that people sometimes mistreat animals. That's not what I'd want to teach my kids, but who's to judge? Anyhow...Kelpie, yes...but the whole Agile Kelpie thing: Just Not Happening. Finally, there's her temperament. She's loving and protective of her humans. Maybe a little too protective, as she can growl at strangers. But put her with a dog that's slightly larger than her and she goes nuts. Like, foaming at the frickin' mouth nuts. She probably would not be a good Dog Park dog, though we've never tried it. On the other hand, she would likely provide excellent protection from zombies. One of my dogs, Chloe, is slightly larger than Elzora and Elzora hounds her constantly. She stares her down, incessantly circles her - she seriously will not leave Chloe alone. Again, maybe due to past abuse or her previous environment, I think Elzora feels like she has to establish herself as alpha dog for reasons of survival. But she's hindered because due to her hips she cannot engage in typical dominance behavior (mounting - yes, even females do it). So she growls and will attempt to corral the dog that intimidates her. If you try to stop her or get her to leave the other dog alone, she will start foaming at the mouth. Seriously. Eventually, Elzora goads the other dog enough that they will fight. She can't win because she's disabled, but she 100% will not listen and will not back down. She doesn't seem to be threatened by smaller dogs...but she would probably be best in a one-dog household. On the positive side, she does appear to be house trained and gets along well with cats. And again, there's the thing with zombies. But okay, seriously, if somebody doesn't take her off of Craigslist, then she's going to the pound, where it's guaranteed euthanasia. My roommate wanted to write a "nice" ad for her, but he's out of town, and frankly, he kept putting it off and putting it off because he probably couldn't think of anything nice to say about her either. He gave me the go-ahead to post an ad and if nobody responds, to drop her off at the pound. PLEASE don't write any sanctimonious responses about all the things we really should do for this dog. My roommate's on disability and I've just moved to town and have yet to find a steady job - I'm doing landscape work currently, and the damn dog's not mine to begin with. But neither of us has the time or money for aggression training or cosmetic nipple surgery or anything else. Simply put, her time here is done and her only hope for a solution now is you. Don't write me with suggestions. Come get her and implement them yourself. SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY. <ul> <li> Location: Austin <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-24T11:35:18-05:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/aus/891762377.html Hideous, Mean, Saggy-titted Cur text To the older woman watching me buying condoms - m4w http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/889660321.html I was the 20 something guy holding two bottles of chardonay in the condom section of the Dominick's. You were the lovely lady in her 50's peering over my shoulder as I made my selection. I was not aware of your presence until the audible gasp when I reached for a box of ribbed magnums. My date did not go exactly as planned; the wine went down ok but I forgot to use the magnums in the heat of the moment and I think I may have gotten the clap. Long story short I still have a dozen condoms left over if you are interested in going out sometime... <ul> <li> Location: Schaumburg <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-22T18:10:39-05:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/889660321.html To the older woman watching me buying condoms - m4w text WELL HERE GOES... - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/dal/888457581.html This is weird... I saw you at the park the other day- you know, the one by the school? You were over by that tree taking a leak and I thought that your coat looked GORGEOUS!! I wanted to sniff your rear end and ask if you use liver oil or fish oil supplements but then a bird distracted me (dunno- I think it was a crow) and I ran off. When I came back you were kinda busy eating some poop. Please please please lemme know... <ul> <li> Location: DALLAS <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-21T20:29:08-05:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/dal/888457581.html WELL HERE GOES... - w4m text The guy who mugged me - m4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pit/884255877.html Thanks chief, you really made my evening. I was just thinking a few days ago "wow it's be a while since anyone stuck a gun in my face" Then you came along like a soft breeze in the night. I think you did a pretty good job, however I could offer a few pointers. 1. After someone has turned out their pockets, that means they are empty. 2. If I don't have a wallet why would I have a bank card? 3. While I didn't have anything in them, I had more pockets than you checked. 4. People often times hide money/drugs in their shoes or socks. Make sure to check those on your next target. 5. A simple please and thank you are always welcome 6. I can understand why you took my cellphone, you didn't want me calling the cops. But really, it's the only thing I had. Why not just strip the battery or something? I really needed that. Plus the thing is like 8 years old, you can't even sell it. Jerk. 7. Pick better targets, Occams razor might help here. If he looks poor then it leads to believe that he is poor. Why risk jail time, and serious time at that over a poor guy, at least get some cash outta the deal. 8. By being a African American mugger you are really reinforcing stereotypes. I hope this helps mugger, I really hope you are enjoying my phone. I kept calling but you won't pick up. I'm so sad :( Also, quick note to the cops. A guy at 3 in the morning jumping up and down and waving his arms in an X shape over his head needs help, he is NOT waving hello. But thanks for smiling and waving back, really made my night. To the cars who wouldn't stop for me in south oakland, looking back I don't blame you. I hear there are criminals on the streets. <ul> <li> Location: Parkview ave <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-18T14:59:22-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pit/884255877.html The guy who mugged me - m4m text Another Bang Lister http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/882636139.html Here's what I think of your Bang List: <big><big><big><big>B</big></big></big></big>utter You were my first lube. You were always there for me; you never asked for anything, you just gave and gave and gave. Sure, I experimented a little, who doesn't? Corn oil, mayonnaise, suntan lotion, Vaseline, hair gel, jam, ManGlide... but you were the first. Yeah, it really brings back the ol' memories. You'll always have a special place in my heart. Hell, I can't even eat popcorn these days without getting a woody. <big><big><big><big>U</big></big></big></big>nderwear You were hawwt. I remember the first time I checked out my Mom's underwear in the dirty clothes hamper; you were flirting with me. Teasing me to try you on. Did you ever tell her that I sometimes wore you while I spanked my monkey? You dawg! She must have weighed 280 pounds, and you were like a circus tent. And her bra? OMG! That was Tasty Hot! She'd come home from a long day at work, all hot and sweaty, and eat her fried-chicken TV dinner while leaning forward on her chair so I could pick the zits on her back. Her bra was just so . . There. I'd sneak a peek every once in a while. You know what I'm saying? Fuckin' A, baby! <big><big><big><big>L</big></big></big></big>ady on page 26 of the Victoria's Secret catalog You were one Hot Babe. You rocked my world. That look in your eyes as I wanked into some Kleenex promised some of the steamiest sex I could ever imagine. If you ever want to hook up again, just be delivered in the mail as usual. Maybe your friend with the juicy-caboosie (page 14) would like to get together for some Spicy-Hot 3-way action? Think about it. <big><big><big><big>L</big></big></big></big>inda, or maybe Lynn, or Lindsay, I'm not really sure I was cruising the New Year's Eve parties, looking for what I like to call Hot Babe Action. Just driving around in my Dodge Aries on a Babe Hunt. I heard your friends in front of the nightclub call to you, You gonna be okay, Lin(something)? You screamed back, (something garbled)!! and then stumbled and flipped them the bird. You were all pretty drunk. I followed you for a few blocks until you went into the park (I wasn't stalking you). I found you there, under a tree, on your hands and knees like a dawg, you Hot Nasty Bitch. You blew a steady torrent of vomit on the grass in front of you, and then planted your face in it with your ass up in the air. I'm pretty sure you said Yes; at least that's what I heard. Damn, I must have pounded your Love Canal 3, maybe even 4 seconds before I exploded. And I could tell from the side of your face that wasn't caked with vomit that, underneath the smeared make-up, you were Hot! Can you believe it? After all these years I still have your underwear (hanging from the rearview mirror of the Dodge Lovemobile) and the genital warts you gave me, and the herpes. You're still the only (human) female who I've slipped the baloney-pony: I'll love you forever. Good times, eh? There was something I've wondered about for a long time: you were sort of unresponsive at the time, and I wanted to get away before any cops came by, so I never got to ask; Was it good for you? <big><big><big><big>S</big></big></big></big>heep (I don't think you had a name) You were my first ungulate. This was at my Uncle Gunter's farm in Iowa. Damn, you were such an animal. After that whole Lin(whatserface) experience, I started to feel some manly pain in my heart. My life felt so empty with her gone. A lot of people don't realize it, but a man has feelings too. A man has needs. And I felt that I needed some poon-tang. A Hot Swingin' Babe, just getting down and dirty. But we were in the middle of Bum-Fuck, Iowa, so I went for ewe. You really helped me through a rough patch; helped me climb back on the Love Train again, get my confidence going so I could go cruising for Hot Babes. I was pretty nervous about playing hide-the-pickle with a farm animal, but you were calm and patient, just chewing your cud while I worked up my nerve. I gave you a handful of clover afterwards so in case you started following me around I could say, Yeah, I gave her some clover earlier. <big><big><big><big>H</big></big></big></big>orrified woman in the bathroom stall next to me I swear that all I was doing was making a simple video of toilets in American public bathrooms. A historical documentation of how we live in America. You'd think that would have some social value, right? Performance art. Right? I had No Friggen Idea that you were in the stall next to me! I couldn't even see the viewfinder for the camera! Hell, I didn't even know this was a woman's bathroom. I'm sorry I didn't look more carefully at the tiny little sign. And anyway, I think it was in Spanish, at least part of it was, and I got confused. I was crowning; I had to go. And I was rubbing one out. . . like it's a big deal. Lots of guys pound the pud while sitting on the can. If the judge had been a guy instead of frigid, bitter, dried-up, man-hating dyke, he would have known that, and I would have walked. Jeez Laweez! Talk about a frame-up! <big><big><big><big>I</big></big></big></big>ke You were my best friend in prison, man. Hombre! We'd kick back, just passing the time out in the yard, talking about Hot-Assed Bitches. Right on, brother! Talking about bras, talking about Lin(whatever), talking about cruising for Hot Smokin' Babes in the Lovemobile. Those were some good times, talking about what we'd do when we got out of the Big House and hooked up with some Sweet-n- Nasty Be-atches. Brother, when you get out in 10-to-15, I'll be waiting for you with the Dodge and we can cruise for some Booty-licious Hot Tamales, or we can go back to my place and watch each other jerk off just like in the Store Room of the Metal Shop at the Big House. Old times, amigo. I'll have a big stack of Victoria's Secret catalogs waiting for you, my man, just full of Hot, Ripe Babes. <big><big><big><big>T</big></big></big></big>astyTime That's my favorite brand of ice cream to eat while I'm hooking up with Hot Bitches on the Internet. T.T. TastyTime ButterNut Double-Fudge. Fuckin' A! That's also one of my screen names, TT. I understand Hot Babes so well now that I'm like a psychologist or some shit. They just have to ask what TT stands for. Tree Top Lover, Baby That's what I usually tell them. But my ladies just call me Tree Top. T.T. Dig? Then we get into all kinds of nasty talk about Trees and being on Top and shit. I tell ya, I know Bitches like the back of my hand. I cruise CraigsList and all the chat rooms getting Hot Babe Action. I'm dialed-in to some really exclusive Eastern European porn (Prestige-level Member), straight to my In Box on the computer where I work graveyard as a security guard at the warehouse. Some Hot Russian Bitch has been writing to me lately; shit, I've got Hot Babes texting me every day. (The word is out, man; the word is fucking out that I'm a major Player, and the bees are buzzing looking for a little honey.) I got some Russian Bitch hitting me up, a Japanese Bitch, all talking about increasing the size of my trouser snake, make her moan with pleasure, that kind of shit. I'm like a Bitch-Magnet, baby. I've gone viral. It seems like every Hot Nasty Babe on the planet is focused on the size of my johnson. All wanting to ride the Stallion. That's another screen name of mine: 1337 Stallion. <hr> And that's the List . . . so far. . . . So, which one of you Hot Smokin' Babes is ready to assume the position on TT's Bang List? I've been taking the pills that I bought over the Internet from the Japanese Bitch and I've been using the vacuum pump; the Pecker has become a Porker. It's a fucking anaconda. It's got to be at least 5 solid God-Bless-American inches of white-meat tube-steak. I am really packing some hammer. I should be issued a warning label. Don't worry about Lin(whozit). I waited for her for 20 years: she had her chance, and the bitch blew it. I'm over her. I'm 41 years old, and it's time for me to move on to new pastures. I've got a job (paid to spank, best job in the world) and my own car (Lovemobile). I'm ready to party (but we can't party at my place because my Mom's retired now and is home all the time). The Lovemobile's got a kick-ass sound system; drop in the 8-track, booty-moving tunes start blasting, and we Par-tay! Any of you Hot Babes think you can handle a real Player? Let's hook up, Bay-Bay. Let's see what you've got. Tell me about our lovely lady lumps. Tell me about how you want to shake your money-maker out on the dance floor with TT. Tell me, Who's your pimpdaddy? Send me something to prime my pump (my love pump, unh!). I won't bite, but I might nibble. Don't be a hater. We can meet. You name the place and time. I'll be the guy in the tan Dodge Aries with the comb-over, Member's Only jacket and Sans-a-Belt slacks. And it's not a beer-belly; think of it as a fuel tank for a sex machine. TT <ul> <li> Location: Hawwt <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-17T07:26:23-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/882636139.html Another Bang Lister text To the guy who drank from the can of Pepsi he found on the ground... - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/van/881960503.html I thought that was pretty gross at first, but the more I thought about it throughout the day, the more I was charmed by it. I can tell you are outgoing and uninhibited by social norms and I find that very sexy. It inspired me to fish a half-eaten doughnut out of a trash can on my way home from work. It tasted awful, but I felt so liberated. You where dressed kind of poorly and your hair was unkempt (clearly unwashed), but I get the impression that your just a free spirit with bigger priorities then basic hygiene. Perhaps your a modern Aristotle? Would love to discuss Kierkegaard or Nietzsche with you sometime, perhaps over a can of Pepsi? My treat. <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-16T14:26:27-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/van/881960503.html To the guy who drank from the can of Pepsi he found on the ground... - w4m text INTELLIGENT, cultured, 22y/o wm seeking Asian women (pref. Nihonese) http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tor/881177993.html Hello ladies of the internet! I am here today, as are you, to find the love of my life ideally. Now, I am an introspective and reflective man so over my life I've come to realise exactly what I'm looking for in my ideal woman. Personally, I am 22 years old, my name is Perseus, I am attending U of T in the final year of my Engineering degree, and I am a little on the chubby side. I am a dedicated Green party voter and staunchly opposed to the Conversative hordes dashing themselves against the impregnable Liberal/NDP/Green keep of our fine enlightened city. I am fond of discussing philosophy and the meaning of life over a glass of wine in the 'even. As hobbies go, I am an avid gamer and enjoy delving into the myriad artistic realities of animé (the origin of my affinity for Asian culture, which is frankly superior). You MUST fulfill the following requirements: - Asian - Woman - Aged NO MORE THAN 23 - - and NO LESS THAN 16 - Petite build. Ideally no more than 115 lbs. - - but no 'Paris Hilton' bulimics please! I like my women with some meat on them. - Like sushi, animé, and video games. BONUSES include: - Japanese heritage - Large collection of animé and manga - Glasses - Interest in cosplay and roleplaying - Traditional Ladies' education I must stress again that this is for a SERIOUS, long term relationship. Not some 'fling' as though I were a boy toy to be tossed aside. <img src="881177993.jpg"" <ul> <li> Location: Toronto <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-16T03:29:34-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tor/881177993.html INTELLIGENT, cultured, 22y/o wm seeking Asian women (pref. Nihonese) text Free Hot Tub http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/anc/880259510.html Do you need a year round way to water your lawn, deck, yard, garage? Have you ever wondered what a 425 gallon colander looks like? Ever really wanted a motorized dog bath? Today is your lucky day. I have a free hot tub. Yes it is complete and it is drained. I drained part of it and it drained itself the rest of the way. Where does it leak??? Find that and you have found the leprechaun with the pot of gold. This unit is perfect for the individual who knows no limit to frustration. The type of person who likes a challenge even when there is no chance of winning. This will build the kind of character in you the armed forces dream of. You will find yourself exhibiting behavior that you never thought possible, but ITS FREE!!!! You will need strong backs to load and a trailer. I will be able to offer short bouts of sympathy and witty banter while you prepare to begin your journey. If this interests you, and it should because ITS FREE, you will need to call and schedule to come by and pick it up. Please remember, I am not a business as it is hard to make a living giving things away. Please call and let me know when you will be there as I have other things to do. I will not guarantee anything except you have your work cut out for you. I will not deliver it, save it, paint it, or take photos of it for you until it is on your trailer....again...ITS FREE. Please call me if you want it. [DELETED] Coleman 411 5 Person tub Has Cover Pumps, heater, etc did work Air injector pump has been disconnected The rest is a foam filled crap shoot <ul> <li> Location: South Anchorage <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-15T08:57:30-08:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/anc/880259510.html Free Hot Tub text Girl seeking WoW player - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/878989144.html Do you like to PvP in the World of Warcraft? Do you want to have sex with a girl playing arena in the eighteen-hundreds bracket? Do you want to have sex with me WHILE I play arena? Continue reading.. I will be playing my druid.. she is in full Season 3 and some Season 4. I play with another female player on her warrior, but she is not going to physically join us.. she will be on vent or skype listening in, but mostly her purpose will be to keep the game going smoothly by letting me know what is happening so I don't have to pay much attention. You must be ok with vaginal and anal penetration, as well as eating me out, and you must be able to finish on me twice within one hour. But more importantly, you must be familiar with the game. You should be not only yelling things like, "Your pussy feels so good on my dick" but also pay some attention to my arena game(s). And be loud. Remember, I'll have my headset on to talk to my partner. "Root him!", "Cyclone so I can pull out and fuck your ass" and so on. You must be kinky, naughty, and very horny. I will be quizzing you, so if you are not sure about your stuff, please do not respond. What you have to do/have in order for me to consider you: - You must have at least one level 70 in equivalent gear, maybe we can chat about it. - You cannot be overweight, but also not the muscle jock body type with a brain the size of a pea. Chubby is BEST! - You must be able to spell. - You must be at least 20 years old and no older than 29. - At least 5'10". - No blondies. - Dark hair, dark eyes - Prefer uncut, but you must be clean. Circumsized will be considered, but not preferred. About me: - I am 5'8" - 150lbs - Blue eyes and brown hair. - I know a lot about video games. - I want to fuck you while I play arena if you fulfill the above requirements. - I am very tight.. I have not had sex in about 8 months. <ul> <li>it's ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-14T11:01:45-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/878989144.html Girl seeking WoW player - w4m text Self-Proclaimed Yoko's Seek Band For Special Project http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/878346656.html Hey. Are you in an up and coming band? Care to be destroyed? We might be just the girls for you. Now, I know what you're thinking: "What?" you're thinking, "Why in the hell would I want some floosie Georgetown Yoko's to waltz into my studio, screw half my band, and laugh hautily while they watch us break up?" Well, to that I say "ha ha," and I say it laughingly. Now I'm not saying that everyone wants they're band to break up, I'm just saying that we're well versed in the intricacies of breaking up bands. I'm serious. We're really good at this. Well, I am anyway, but my roomates are ready and eager to learn how to assimilate their incomparable powers of destruction to band members. I don't know, dude. Maybe you're a spunky, talented lead guitarist who can't stand up to your lead singer. Maybe you're a drummer with a better offer. Look, I'm not a fortune teller, but I do have a haunted vagina, notches on my bedpost that total over 100, and I can help you break up your band if you don't have the balls to do it yourself. Amanda has had her share of bicycle club shenanigans, and Crystal, although she doesn't have specific band-breaking-up experience, has general destruction capabilities that have here to fore been unrivaled in this, the west side of the Missisippi. Together, you best believe that we can Yoko the crap out of any non assuming band in less than a fortnight. That's 14 days, guys. And hey. Maybe you just want to do it. That's cool too, but we are by no means guaranteeing that your band will stay together after having known us. Just ask the neighbors. Come on guys, let's bochinche (read: party naked with music). Love, Miranda, Amanda and Crystal <ul> <li> Location: Georgetown <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-13T20:36:36-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/878346656.html Self-Proclaimed Yoko's Seek Band For Special Project text An Open Letter From Your Local Adult Store Clerk http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ral/877200282.html Dear Adult Store Shoppers, Maybe you want to buy some pornography or maybe you'd like to purchase some condoms, lube, lingerie, toys, games or whatever other merchandise we carry. That's great, and I hope you find what you want in the store, but please, avoid these pitfalls and be a good customer. 1. If you are a needy as hell customer who asks me to check movies before you rent or buy them to make sure you will like them, I will secretly hate you. All of our movies have people fucking in them. Usually 2 or more people! This much you should know. Now do the following: Look at the box cover. Is it appealing to you? No? Stop, put the movie away and pick up another and try again. Yes? Good! Now, turn over the box. Do you see those other pictures? If none of those appeal to you, don't rent the movie. If they appeal to you, rent it, take it home, wank to it, be happy. If it's not to your liking, shut the fuck up and rent another movie. I really don't care if it wasn't appropriate wanking material up to your fine and high pornography standards. This isn't a restaurant where you can send something back if you don't like it it's a porn store. 2. If you return movies that you rented with unidentified substances on them, you are a nasty motherfucker who should get hit by a bus. I get paid $9.00/hour, which is not enough to clean up your spunk. Wash your hands before you take the DVD out of the player, you nasty ass son of a bitch. After you return that nasty jizz covered movie, I will curse you loudly, put on 2 pairs of latex gloves, use copious amounts of cleaning supplies and then put a nasty note in your account about how you are a nasty asshole who can't return a movie the way we gave it to you - clean and DNA free. Then, everyone who works in the store knows what a nasty person you are. So for the love of Christ, wash your nasty hands and have some respect for the people who work here. 3. If you and your partner come into my store and you want to buy some lingerie, that is great. It's even nice if your husband/boyfriend/John/whatever wants to help you into the lingerie as some of the stuff we sell is hard to get on by yourself. But seriously, don't fuck in my dressing room. That is nasty and gross. Take your lingerie, try it on, buy it if you like it, take it home and fuck there. I wouldn't come into your place of work and fuck on your desk, so don't have sex here in my store. Don't try to be sneaky about it either. If I notice you've been in the dressing room for more than a few minutes, I'm going to come by and knock on the door to see if everything is okay. And if I hear moaning and grunting, I'm going to call the police. 4. Please treat our merchandise with some respect. In any other store would you open up boxes, rip off labels, or throw things around? I doubt it. Also, my store is not a club or a party. I know we are open late, so maybe you really do think this is a club, but I swear it's not. It's a store. We're here to sell things and make money. The things we sell are fun and great, sure, but this is not a place for you and all of your friends to come in and laugh and scream and point (and destroy merchandise, as mentioned above) for 2 hours and then leave without purchasing anything. 5. Don't hit on me or any of my coworkers. That is desperate and gross. Also, you're standing at my counter with 2 tranny movies, some desensitizing spray and a pair of panties. Do you really think this situation lends itself to me agreeing to go out with you? Nope, didn't think so. Also, don't stare at me or my coworkers like we're pieces of meat. Don't ask us inappropriate questions either. No, I won't demonstrate how the toys are used. I also won't tell you what it is I like in bed. And seriously, if you ask me to model lingerie one more time, I'm going to kick you out. 6. Additionally, just because I work at an adult store does not make me uneducated, a freak, a stripper, a prostitute or desperate. I am college educated (and currently in graduate school), well read and a pretty normal person with friends, family, a dog, hobbies, etc. I took this job for a variety of reasons, none of which I have to explain to you. 7. If I ask for your ID, don't give me grief. Take it as a compliment I'm saying that you look youthful and fresh. I can get in trouble and lose my job for letting someone under 18 into the store. Don't bitch about how you don't have your ID (I have to ask you to leave, sorry) or how you have to go out to your car and walk the terrible 30 feet to get it or ask me how old I think you are. You look like you could be under 18. Show me your ID and I'll leave you alone. If all of your friends show me their ID but you don't have yours, I'm going to have to ask you to go outside. Just because all of your friends are 18+ does not mean you are. I know it's a bummer, but it's the rule. 8. And finally, if you are someone who brings your child into the store, you fail at parenting and at life. Thanks, and have a great day. Your Friendly Adult Store Clerk <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-13T10:17:49-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ral/877200282.html An Open Letter From Your Local Adult Store Clerk text Pet roach - Scoochie http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hou/877016377.html I am having to part with my pet roach, as I am no longer able to afford to feed him. With the way the economy is going, I am forced to do this. It hurts to let him go, as I have been with him since he was just a larvae. He loves sitting in your hand and watching Jerry Springer, and will sometimes crawl up your pants at night to keep warm. Items included will be his 2 story deluxe shoebox highrise, custom yarn leash, and miniature food and water bowls along with a 6 pack of Coors light, his favorite beer. I will need to interview the prospective caretakers to find the right fit, and a small adoption fee may apply (he is up to date on his shots, and has recently been wormed). Please, help me find Scoochie a forever home!! <img src="877016377.jpg"> <ul> <li> Location: heights <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-13T02:15:37-05:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hou/877016377.html Pet roach - Scoochie text Seeking a sexual tyrannosaur for a romp in the park - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/van/876586707.html I am a very career-focused, attractive, 5'9, 120lb woman who is seeking a man who is willing to fulfill my ultimate sexual fantasy. I am an executive with a very successful corporation that keeps me very busy and I sometimes have difficulty finding men who share similar interests to my own in the bedroom. Nothing turns me on more then Jurassic Park themed role play. You must be the animatronic dinosaur, and I must be the helpless child (Tim or Lex) stuck in the park at your mercy. You will growl mechanically into my ear and stare threateningly. I will feign panic and search for the flash light in the back seat of the visitor jeep. You will sniff at the window slowly and then release a robotic roar into the night air. I scream for Alan Grant, but your over sized robot jaws come crashing down through the overhead window, pinning me to the floor. I cannot stress this enough however, you must play as a ROBOTIC dinosaur. This is very specific, my interest lie entirely in animatronic dinosaurs, not real ones. I thought I should mention this as there have been unfortunate miscommunications in the past, leading to performances that have left me without an orgasm. Other situations could include you being the dilophasaurus and spitting in my face and then going for my jugular. Or you could be the ill and moaning triceratops, and I would be Ellie Sadler, digging through your stool to find the source of the ailment. More or less any scene from the film involving a mechanical dinosaur interacting with a human will do fine. I don't like wasting my time, so make sure you do your homework and watch the film and make sure you can fully embrace the mindset of an animatronic dinosaur. I am an incredibly sexual person and I would make it a blockbuster night that you would never forget. <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-12T15:14:16-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/van/876586707.html Seeking a sexual tyrannosaur for a romp in the park - w4m text To the tranny that blew that guy on the 49 bus last night..... - m4w http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/876086738.html ....in case you were wondering, yes, we all saw. And were horrified! You might remember the incident, huh? About 9:45pm last night, heading north. Why would I know the time, well I had to look at my cell phone to keep my eyes from looking over as you pulled his cock through his jeans and into your mouth. How could we all not notice you? You were so ugly and those boobs were so little it was just obvious. Then the guy you were with looked like Billy Bob Thorton in "Slingblade". Except even weirder looking. Quite a pair. So thanks for hopping on that very crowded bus, sitting 2 feet from me and making out with the goofy looking guy. That was odd, but no big deal. But when I looked over and your head was in his lap I was like -- "Are you fucking kidding me, you are now going to blow him?". I thought it was hilarious that all those Mexican guys sitting right next to you said and did nada. I almost moved away but could not stop looking over. I kept thinking that this is going to make a good Craigslist "missed connection" and maybe a "best of". The weird part is that the guy was staring at me with this serial killer look the whole time you were servicing him which was a little creepy. Like the whole fucking thing wasn't totally creepy. So much like a human in "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" I kept scanning around looking to see if anyone else was registering this. I kept locking eyes with the young punk rock girl across from me. Her boyfriend was being oblivious but she kept looking at me, rolling her eyes and giggling. As they reached that climactic moment she was uncontrollably laughing out loud and it really helped me keep my sanity. To pass the time I texted my sister in real time the blow by blows (no pun intended) and listened to my iPod. Well, thankfully you two freaks got off somewhere near the Tenderloin after he came in your mouth. When it was over I had to say something and just made eye contact with everyone and said "Did we all see what I think we just saw?" and everyone laughed out loud. Learned something new last night. The 49 is a bit more rocking than the 47. <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-12T07:48:19-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/876086738.html To the tranny that blew that guy on the 49 bus last night..... - m4w text To the two annoying chicks on the Red Line tonight - m4w http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/873554884.html Hey! Remember me? I was the dude in the green hoodie trying to read the AV Club. I was sitting next to my friend in a red hoodie. You were two loud, crazy bitches. The one on the left had a red something or other on, with platinum blond hair, an owl pendant, and a septum piercing. Maybe leopard print leggings. The other one was not at all notable, so I cannot comment on anything about her. Did you guys decide that one of you would carry the burden of both your wacky fashion quotas? So we were just chilling out, talking about the show we just came from when you accosted my friend (I can't blame you, even I realize that he's an attractive fellow) and told him to dance. But not a regular dance, a weird-assed jump-in-the-air-and-spasm-at-the-apex thing. Sort of like what might happen at the very end of an anime, when the young protagonist jumps and goes YEAAAHHHH, and everything freezes when he reaches the top, providing a backdrop for the credits to roll over. Man, we were just chilling! It was a good night, and we were tired and chatting about things. We were two Dudes, and we were in a Place. Why did you have to do a Thing? Why did you have to grab my friend by the hand and yank him out of his seat and make him do that in front of the whole goddamn train? Someone was clapping after. And it wasn't the good kind of clapping. They wouldn't even pull that shit in Gitmo. And the worst part? You were both clearly trying to emulate a cross between the chicks from Ghost World with Natalie Portman in Garden State. Except that none of those characters would have a conversation about MADtv that was so unabashedly pro-MADtv. What is this, West Virginia? You said you were from Massachusetts, but you didn't say you were from Boston, so we'll just assume that you were both super-dee-duper excited to be out of the suburbs and in a real goddamn metropolis, where the trains actually run all night, and the cigarettes are expensive. But do us all a favor and leave your megaquirky ZOMG! bullshit at the mall in East Bumblefuck where it belongs. Now, I don't mean to hate. Maybe its the fact that I'm a former New Yorker; yeah its got freaks and artists and drunk chicks, but everyone knows their goddamn place. I understand the need to make public spaces a little more chill, give them a splash of right-brained-ness or whatever the fuck. But we are talking about public transportation, at night, on a line that services the whole city; people of all walks of life, with one thing in common: we're tired. If it were a car full of some Blue Line jockeys going to buy some scarves at the Damen stop, then sure, go to town, let the hipsters sneer at you. But the Red Line is different. That shit goes to the Southside. There is a Code, and it should be followed. Please, don't apologize. Just don't ever do it again. <ul> <li> Location: Southbound Red Line <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-10T01:42:54-05:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/873554884.html To the two annoying chicks on the Red Line tonight - m4w text Dota Girl wanted http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/min/871261351.html Allstar Dota player seeking like minded female for hot scourge on sentinel action. Can you sit for prolonged periods of time on my lap being super hot while I pwn n00bs? Are you as PHAT as leviathan stacked full of HoTs? Are you level 18 or higher ? Then you may have what it takes to be my Crystal Maiden Reply with a pic... and I will do the same. Please no IRL fat messes.. I live an active lifestyle both in and out of the game. I'm a super nice guy, I don't gank on the first game, and I'll never try to gank you from behind. I'm in it for the long run, and will never leave a game before it's over. Yours Truly. Dota Ghost P.S. I'm super serious about the level 18 stuff. I don't want to goto jail because I ganked a n00b. <ul> <li> Location: Minneapolis <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-08T11:38:42-05:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/min/871261351.html Dota Girl wanted text Leopard Print Arachnid Bar - Claim at your own peril... http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/870206647.html Do you like mixing drinks for friends? Do you like spiders? If you answered yes to those questions, then this bar is for you! Behold this nifty leopard print bar, perfect for swingin' shindigs on your patio or in your home. The upholstery is in very good shape, the rest of the bar has seen better days. It's sort of home made, with wooden compartments in back with sliding doors. It has six 50's looking wooden/metal tipped legs that screw into the bottom. With a bit of work, she could be restored to her former glory. The top could use a new coat of One Shot, or better yet some Formica and aluminum edging. "This is just what I've been looking for, but where do the spiders come in?", you say. Well, this has been sitting on my back patio for four years, we have a BIG spider problem, and some have undoubtedly taken up residence in the back compartments of this bar. You must remove them before carrying this through my house and out the front door. I will provide a broom for this purpose, which you must shake off very vigorously afterward. If you are bitten I will provide a Benedryl quick dissolving strip, bandage, Neosporin and access to my computer so you can determine which sort of spider you were bitten by and which anti-venom is necessary. I will not help you move, carry, or de-spider the bar in any way! This bar is heavy, at least two strong people are needed to carry it. You will need a truck too. If you have an insect problem and were hoping to take the spiders and the bar, that's fine. But you'll need to bring a pulley system and lots of rope or 10 guys on steroids to hoist it over my back fence. Saturdays are good for me. <ul> <li> Location: Beverlywood <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-07T12:48:40-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/870206647.html Leopard Print Arachnid Bar - Claim at your own peril... text To the girl who stole my bike as a gesture of flirtation - m4w http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/865564186.html I love how well you get me--you know that the way to my heart is through my bike, and I can only assume that you cut the chain binding my '86 Benotto to that stop sign in East Williamsburg late Thursday night in the hopes of starting a conversation with me. It was a really gutsy plan. "Oh hey," youd say as I walked up. "I was just stealing your bike." "What the fuck?" I'd say. "I feel terrible," you'd say. And then you'd say something cute to move things along, like "Can I make it up to you with coffee?" I totally understand where you were coming from--we all have a hard time starting a conversation with the person we have a crush on. Your plan was actually really good and clever and I am just so so bummed that we missed each other. I can imagine how awful you felt--it's midnight in East Williamsburg and you're standing there holding 3-foot-long garden clippers and feeling very, very conspicuous. Theres a busted chain pooled at your feet and a beautiful old white Italian racing bike with blue highlights and red handlebar tape leaning up against a stop sign, and I'm nowhere in sight. You're starting to wonder whether I'm ever going to show up. Maybe I've gone to Arizona for the weekend or something. Then you realize, with a sense of dread that grows and grows the longer you wait, that you can't just leave the bike there and abandon the whole plan--the chain is well and truly cut, so the bike isn't secure anymore and it would be all too easy for some complete and total fucking asshole to walk away with it and make maybe $150 selling my most beloved possession and possibly greatest and most trusted friend so far in New York. If this were to happen, if this hypothetical asshole were to walk away with my bike, which I just spent my first month here searching for and then carefully patching up and tuning, then where would all my love for this bike go? It would simply vanish. The bike would be reduced to an object of monetary value and I would be reduced to a guy who has to find a new bike. There would be measurably less love in the world, and the hypothetical asshole who had stolen my bike would therefore be a destroyer of love. A Love Destroyer. You, of course, could not allow this to happen. The destruction of love is antithetical to your core mission in life, which is to create love, more love, for me. So you decided to take the bike for safe-keeping. THANK YOU. I cannot express how grateful I am and how eager to finally to have our long-awaited conversation, which might honestly be a little awkward now but will be well worth it. I've been pretty lonely in my first month in New York and kind of missing my ex-girlfriend and frankly I'm just really flattered that you've taken an interest in me. I can't wait to meet you. And to get my bike back. <ul> <li> Location: East Williamsburg <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-03T20:04:13-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/865564186.html To the girl who stole my bike as a gesture of flirtation - m4w text Disgruntled American Seeks Canadian For Political Asylum, Maybe More http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tor/862818036.html Like so many in the USA, I've become increasingly fed up with my country. The last 8 years have been a nightmare of perpetual motion. The presidential election is almost a month away, but let's face it. If Bush's cronies were able to set him up for two terms, then McCain and Palin are practically a shoo-in. When that happens (and it will, just you watch) I would rather be somewhere else. Like The Great White North! Are you a lonely, possibly desperate Canadian woman aged 18-50? Tired of trying to find a good man among your flannel clad, Labatt's drinking, moose hunting country men? Willing to take in an American who is fed up with his country? Then I'm the guy for you! Maybe you're a bit overweight or suffer from "Lifelong Ugly Duckling" syndrome. I don't care. What I'm All Aboot: <ul> <li>32, tall, a bit pudgy around the middle, starting to go bald, but other than that it's all good.</li> <li>IT Professional, skilled with computers, can fix yours.</li> <li>Will get whatever job(s) available to help support us.</li> <li>From Washington State, appreciates nature.</li> <li>Willing to learn French.</li> <li>Polite, working on being more humble.</li> <li>Hates littering.</li> <li>Will pet your cat(s)/dog(s) and tell you how cute it is.</li> <li>Enjoys Rush.</li> <li>Can fake an interest in hockey.</li> <li>Knows the first line to the Canadian National Anthem.</li> <li>Will do whatever it takes to get the fuck out of here.</li> </ul> What You're All Aboot: <ul> <li>Canadian.</li> <li>18-50 year old female.</li> <li>Willing to marry me for citizenship.</li> </ul> So there you have it ladies! This is your chance to help your neighbors to the South. Get at it! <ul> <li> Location: Washington State, USA <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-01T18:00:24-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tor/862818036.html Disgruntled American Seeks Canadian For Political Asylum, Maybe More text you: Prius guy; me: not a hooker (redhead in purple fishnets) - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/860137375.html Me: A redhead on a bicycle, in fishnets and a short skirt, biking home from the Folsom Street Fair. You: A guy driving a Prius who tried to hire me for sexual services. There I was, biking along, thinking it would be smarter to ride down Shotwell than along the bigger streets at dusk because I didn't have my light or helmet. Now, I don't walk down Shotwell much because it's where all the hookers work and I don't want to interfere. But it seemed safe by bike. So when you slowed down to pass me in your Prius, I was a little apprehensive. Sure enough, "Want to make some money?" you asked. I was startled, though. You didn't look like the usual sleazebags who trawl these corners. I said no, with a smile. I should've been more firm, I guess. (I admit that my Folsom Fair getup was a bit more suggestive than usual, my mini-kilt draped over my bike seat, my tall boots making pedaling a little difficult. Nothing naughtier than you'd see street punks wearing anywhere, though. And who tries to pick up a hooker who's riding a bike? I am not a hooker, for the record, though I'm not offended. I have a science PhD, which might earn me less at first, but so far it's seemed to be the best use of my talents.) Anyway, I said no. And I kept biking. And you kept tailing me slowly in your Prius. Half a block later, you asked again and I answered more firmly, though still (too) politely. And then again, further along. By then I had a plan in mind to keep you from following me to my house, but you gave up at that point. So what gives? Do you come here often? In a city of yuppie geeks, why does a not-unattractive man with a Prius need to find a streetwalker on that particular corner of crack whores? Did the Folsom Fair inspire visions of kinky sex? Did I, with my messenger bag and commuter bike, look like the type to mete out exotic punishments? Are you just having a dry spell? And how much money are we talking? I'm actually curious. (Not interested, but curious.) <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-09-29T14:50:12-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/860137375.html you: Prius guy; me: not a hooker (redhead in purple fishnets) - w4m text Light house cleaning needed http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hou/852526961.html Need some light house cleaning. I'm pretty busy and not able to clean my apartment so I need someone to do some light work once a week or so. Here are some pictures to give a general idea. <img src="tidy.1.jpg"> <img src="tidy.2.jpg"> <img src="tidy.3.jpg"> <img src="tidy.4.jpg"> <img src="tidy.5.jpg"> <ul> <li> Location: Houston, TX <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-09-23T16:28:24-05:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hou/852526961.html Light house cleaning needed text PHOTOSHOP WIZ NEEDED ASAP http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/aus/851871908.html I need original cell phone statements scanned and numbers changed then reprinted front and back!, if this is something you can do well and do in a very quick manner I need to speak with you asap... There are three to four bills that need to adjusted with numbers on pages, front and back. I am dealing with a jealous boyfriend that wants to see my statements asap. I am willing to compensate with a nice sum of cash! I will come to your location and wait to have them done, must have a a nicer printer, I will supply the paper. <ul> <li> Location: austin <li> Compensation: a few hundred dollars <li> This is a part-time job. <li>Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster. <li>Please, no phone calls about this job! <li>Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-09-23T09:19:46-05:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/aus/851871908.html PHOTOSHOP WIZ NEEDED ASAP text Totally Awesome Kick Ass Motorcycle http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ame/851215608.html Motorcycle for sale: There comes a point in every mans life where he feels the need to pass down some history or perhaps a legacy, this time is now. For the low price of $700 you too may become a bad ass. This motorcycle is not just a way of transportation, it is a way of life. The side of the gas tank says Yamaha which loosely translates to "Kick Ass Stealth Ninja Motorcycle". I stole this motorcycle from Chuck Noris after I gave him a swift roundhouse kick to the face. I also broke off his arm and signed the title with it to my name from him so it is all legit and legally mine to sell now. Some of the lens covers on the turn signals are broken but if you think that stops me from turning you are sadly mistaken. The first rule I learned in the Mount Tokachi Ninja Training Camp was never tell your enemy what direction you intend to go. I have found this to be a excellent creed or motto to live life by. I will not admit to how many of the miles have been used for ninja missions however I can tell you that all of the 4693 miles are actual road miles. There are a few rusted parts on this bike, but that only shows everybody how bad ass you are and that if they were to question you they could be killed instantly. Most of the parts could be replaced with non rusty parts if you wanted to blend in to the common mortal and practice stealth skills by hiding in plain sight. This motorcycle has 4 speeds in the transmission and all of them are completely capable of causing instant death. I have known the common man to reach speeds of 70 mph I will not comment on the top speed that a skilled ninja rider may accomplish, this you shall find on your own. The gas cap on this motorcycle is locked by key, that tells possible gas thief's to screw off unless they are prepared to deal with a ninja ass kicking right to the face. If you are still uncertain of how bad ass this actually is you wont need to look further than the front fender complete with scull and cross bones, the graphics tell sissy gutless men to take off or be prepared for punches of lightning to pour down upon them. If you email me asking about being "firm" on the price I will tell you right now that I am NOT. $700 is only my starting price, you may want to pay me more after you would see it in person. If you think you can email me and ask me to sell if for less you could just as well save me the effort and punch yourself in the balls because that is what I might do and you are most likely a sissy and not worthy of this motorcycle. If you are from Africa and try to scam me do not waste my time because I will swim across the ocean and find you in your dirty hut and judo chop your face with an ultimate punch right to the face. I may email you more pictures if you need to see more. Ninja fighting weapons are not included. <ul> <li> Location: Ames <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-09-22T17:44:24-05:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ame/851215608.html Totally Awesome Kick Ass Motorcycle text Ingrown Pubes Totally Rule http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/851096278.html Why do I love ingrown hairs on my hoo hoo? Simple. Because it means I dont actually have VD like I thought I might after a little red mountain popped up in Ladytown two weeks after I indulged in one too many whiskey sours and fucked some guy I met at a gay bar. Oh, and shame on you straight dudes for hanging around in homosexual establishments, preying on women who are probably only there in the hopes that they can get wasted without having to put up with your particular brand of sleeze. Seriously. Its not like Denver isnt full of bars that are just crawling with hot little 20-somethings who choose to go to meat markets specifically because theyre looking for an easy lay with some nameless, faceless asshat. I know its true. I used to be one of those girls. Apparently, old habits die hard. At any rate, those ingrown hairs might be uncomfortable, and you might feel like an idiot after discovering on a frantic visit to your friendly neighborhood Planned Parenthood that you dont actually have a herpes-ridden twat, but its still better than the embarrassment of having to post a missed connections ad because you cant remember the name of the douchehound who infected you during an alcohol-fueled one-night fuckfest. And please, for love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, use a condom. <ul> <li> Location: Uptown <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-09-22T15:17:55-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/851096278.html Ingrown Pubes Totally Rule text Panties, size 8-10 http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/van/849936725.html To the woman in the laundromat who threw her panties into my washing machine, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for my new panties, I've never owned any before. I'm not exactly sure how they got there as I left as soon as I started the machine, and didn't come back until the wash was finished. I can only assume that you're so hard up for money that you decided to save 6 quarters and threw your laundry in with mine once I'd left, and after it was done removed them and paid for your own dryer. The only problem is you forgot one pair of black and white, zebra-striped panties in the machine. I dried them with my clothes thinking that you might discover they were missing, and I was going to toss them to you if you came back to look for them. It really is too bad you didn't come back. I'm wasn't exactly sure what a size 8-10 is, but once I got home I tried them on and found they fit rather nicely. I've never wanted to wear women's panties before, and they were a little tight to get on due to the fact my package kept wanting to jump out of the front, but I must say the zebra-stripe pattern looks rather flattering on me. In fact I'm wearing them (and nothing else) as I type this..... can you say sexy? I think I'll take a picture of myself in your panties (face omitted of course) and post it on the laundromat's bulletin board so you can see what became of them. I'll make sure it's a front shot because while they're extremely tight up front, the backside seems incredibly loose and there's a lot of extra fabric flapping around. You must have some serious action going on back there.... Now that I think of it, I should be able to mail the panties back to you, I'm pretty sure your ass must have it's own postal code. Hopefully you wrote it down on the little tag. ps. please use fabric softener next time. <ul> <li> Location: The Laundromat <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-09-21T17:49:26-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/van/849936725.html Panties, size 8-10 text Why I'll be the Best 'Psycho' Ex-Girlfriend You've Ever Had! http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/848306070.html I know that all your ex-girlfriends are 'psychos.' I've heard all about them since hardly a day goes by that you don't make some eye-rolling reference to 'that crazy bitch' who practically ruined your life and then went off and married some successful 'douchebag' leaving you to troll local college bars in search of no-strings-attached ass while she enjoys quiet weekends at home with her new in-laws in Connecticut. That selfish, cunt. I know that you don't think I could ever be as good of a 'psycho ex' as she was. But, I assure you. I can. I'll be such a raving lunatic nutcase - you won't even remember her when I'm through with you. Try me. For starters - I am great in bed. Isn't that how all the 'crazy' ones start out? You'll meet me at some party through some friend of a friend of a friend who knows I have 'whacko' potential but will fail to mention this to the chain of people through whom we are introduced because...quite frankly, our friends don't really care enough about either of us to keep our best interests in mind. Alternatively, they *do* have our best interests in mind but know that our dramatic personalities and overwhelming egos are forces too powerful for even the most friendly, logical advice. Thus, they abort all attempts to keep us apart and allow us to get drunk and grope each other publicly, shaking their heads all the while because..this shit is gonna' blow up big time. Meantime, we'll already be upstairs, half undressed where you'll be too drunk to censor yourself so you'll make overly generous blubbering commentary about how 'sexy' I am (as I knock into a table lamp with swanlike grace). You'll also rave on and on about how I have the greatest tits you've ever seen and am 'fucking amazing' on all other fronts (as if I didn't know). Compared to the four other chicks you've banged, this will be the best sex of your life. And as soon as we're done, you'll start forming a mental list of which buddies you are going to text message first about this while at the same time wondering if you could possibly spend the rest of your life with me. In the sobering light of morning, you'll forget that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me and instead opt for a "two-night stand" but you'll quickly realize that I am having none of that and somehow weasle my way into staying over, cooking breakfast and reading your newspaper. I will also have conveniently brought my toothbrush and some sanitary products which I quickly store in your bathroom cabinets since 'I'm going to be spending a lot of time at your place.' Your Maxim magazines will go from the top of the toilet to the bottom of the wastebasket because I find them 'offensive' and 'immature.' Later that day, you'll log onto Facebook and find out that I'm 'in a relationship'...with you. Yay! At first, you'll think it's creepy but then (due to your inferiority complex) you'll take it as a compliment and change your relationship status too. Within an hour, you'll receive 57 new notifications which indicate that I've commented on every photo in your album in which you appear with an unidentified female. Your relationships with these family members, college friends and co-workers will quickly disintegrate as you mistake my obsession for passion and declare your undying commitment to me and stop returning other people's calls. Friends will caution you but you'll be too blinded by my mind-blowing felatio technique to notice anything. Besides, I've explained that they're just jealous of our love. Together, our poor self images will have us each convinced that the other is cheating. We'll fight about it all the time. Non-stop. On our 'good days' we'll shower each other with undeserved gifts and sexual favors and the accusatory banter will be minimal - though still prevalent. Things will be going 'pretty well' for a while until one night your phone battery dies and you fall asleep early - forcing me into an incoherent panic. Six unreturned voicemails and text messages will lead me to believe only the worst - you ARE cheating on me! To confirm my suspicions, I will immediately log into all your personal accounts - since you are so technologically oblivious you left your passwords saved on my computer - and find a message to be mad about. It will likely be a harmless flirtation from a platonic friend who lives six states away that pushes me over the edge. Unable to reach her or you - I will scramble into my car and drive barefoot to your apartment where I will ride up on the curb knocking over an unsuspecting potted plant. The commotion outside will rouse you from your slumber and you'll stumble bleary- eyed to the window just in time to see me throw the car in reverse and plow into your beloved Huyndai Elantra. In short order, the police will come, I will cry, you will shout, your landlord will evict you and your insurance company will drop you. On the bright side, our names will be forever emblazoned together onto a county police report. Despite all this, it will take another several months for you to come to your senses and break-up with me. Knowing that I am a ticking bomb, you will execute this in the kindest, most reasonable way possible. You will make every effort to lift my spirits by explaning that "It's not you, it's me." and that "I deserve someone better." All this, to no avail. The only way you can truly be rid of me is to change your phone number and move across the country where you'll make new friends and find a new insecure girlfriend to emotionally abuse for months until she finally reaches her psychological breaking point and throws a wine glass at you and storms out of a restaurant. Everyone will be looking at you, dripping in Pinot Noir with an astonished look on your face. In your head you'll be thinking, "Ha. That was nothing. You should see my Huyndai Elantra." And, that, is why I'll be the best psycho ex-girlfriend you've ever had. <ul> <li> Location: Dupont <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-09-20T12:46:46-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/848306070.html Why I'll be the Best 'Psycho' Ex-Girlfriend You've Ever Had! text Husband for adoption - low rehoming fee http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/847702751.html My husband said it's him or the dog? So, it was a tough choice, but the dog only takes up part of the bed, and he doesn't steal the covers, so I'm keeping the dog. Husband has tendency to wander, likes to sleep all day, will play with his balls, isn't house trained, but will beg to go out. Needs fenced yard without grass to mow, a home with plentiful food (favorite food is pizza) and drink (loves beer). Gets along well with other dogs, doesn't much care for cats or children. Has little redeeming value, but he is cute. Comes from a long line of hunters, would love to be your hunting companion. Knows Sit, Heel, Stay, and Down. Doesn't always do them? But he knows those commands, don't let him try to convince you he doesn't. Is current on all shots, pretty healthy, has had his teeth cleaned recently, and is NOT NEUTERED. I'd be happy to help pay for the neutering. Too good home, fee negotiable, I know I can't get anywhere near what I've got in him back. Comes with 49'ers T shirt, large flat screen tv, and a big truck but only the T shirt is paid for. Serious inquiries only! <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-09-19T17:57:39-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/847702751.html Husband for adoption - low rehoming fee text Please discipline codegirl and make her code very difficult AJAX http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/846606372.html I have needs at work like all of us girls do. For me, I don't want to be a girl dropped into the coding pit to be awed and then broken by Senior PHP engineers wielding grim and terrible caching weapons. Rails engineers by the thousands marching, marching against everyone, on every border while I draw well water shot through with ponderings of the scalability issues with PHP, and how for form to exist in our physical universe it must be have a name. If matter or a form cannot be named, it cannot exist. I don't want to fight sexy ATG boys about AJAX performance within droplets, I don't want to bicker in the morning concerning why JQuery is the proper and correct framework, all the time everytime. It's ok. I love you guys. I do. I worship you Warcraft playing, contract working, hordes of luscious web men. I know what you love. I want to be there for you. I will code the HTML you don't want to. It's ok. I don't mind. I like it. I will code it handcuffed if you want. It's ok. If I'm too slow, or if you check and my adhering to standards is inappropriate or my fumbling, adolescent understanding of the finer point of JSON infuriate you, you can tear my stockings. They were expensive, and I bought them for work. They were my only pair. I am a humble code girl. Do you need me to do the Apache configs? Ok. I will. I will do anything. I will wear backseam black stockings and rack servers for you. I will wear long skirts and ballet flats and sit close to you and put Arby's sauce on your Roast Beef. I will eat what you order for me. What makes codegirl the most happy is working in the service of many codeboys at once. A studio full of codeboys are always in need of support to keep them at their best. You need fruit. You need soda. You need me to cook for codeboys each day for lunch Naked. I want to learn lots about coding. I secretly want to overtake codeboys and steal their knowledge, but the deep training and sensitivity of codeboys make it impossible to deceive them. They know. So, I must answer phones at times, or take care of office chores. They know I don't like it. I do a good job, but they must discipline me to make me strong. Codegirl can come to your office. <ul> <li>it's ok to contact this poster if you are a potential employer or other principal <li>Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job seeker. <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-09-18T22:51:20-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/846606372.html Please discipline codegirl and make her code very difficult AJAX text Tips For Clueless People Who Get Mugged http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/845973660.html So you've just moved into a new "gentrifying" neighboorhood that's full of urban culture, cheap(er) rents, and wonderful friendly people. An odd lack of organic food stores and greenmarkets, but you can't have everything. So one day you're doing something FUCKING RETARDED like walking back from the store alone at 1 am or walking home from the subway while texting your sorority sisters back in the fucking midwest or something while SIMULTANEOUSLY listening to an ipod with the bright white headphones and you get fucking mugged. Congrats, YOU'RE A FUCKING DUMBASS. No, it's not 1990, when men where men, crackheads would fucking cut you and the robbery rate was about a billion times higher than it is now, but it's still new york and you were still fucking dumb enough to think that paying $1200 for a studio in a shitty neighboorhood is somehow hipper than moving to fucking Queens. Anyway, here's some helpful tips for the next time someone jacks your shit. 1) Pay attention. Granted, you weren't paying attention to start with or you wouldn't have gotten mugged, but now that you've been hit from behind / had a gun shoved in your face, pay attention. 2) Follow directions. Give the friendly mugger what he wants. Don't talk back or fight. In all likelyhood, you're a pussy hipster retard, and are, by NYC law, unarmed. 3) You've been paying attention right? Remember some simple things in this order: sex, clothing color, clothing type, headwear, and direction of flight. 4) Congratulations! You've just been robbed and you're still alive. What now? Well, don't go back to your apartment and call the cops thirty minutes later. Don't call your mom in Kansas and tell her first. CALL THE COPS AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. You'd be amazed at how many people fuck up this simple step. Pay phones still exist as do 24/7 bogies. Go there, call the cops. 5) It may take a while for the cops to show up. The 911 system, at best, will result in a five minute wait before we're even notified. Then we have to drive there without killing anyone. Be patient. For that matter, tell the 911 operator exactly where you are. Nothing makes a responding cop happier than having to scour the area for your dumb ass while the perp gets away. 6) Resist the temptation to curse/complain/bitch about the cops while you're waiting for us to show up. We're probably busy. Even if we're not, don't expect us to come tear-assing across the precinct lights and sirens to get to you 2 minutes sooner. I have no intention of broadsiding a livery cab and getting fired just because you got your sidekick took. 7) When we do arrive: get in the car, tell us what they looked like and where they went. Something simple. "AGE/RACE/RED HOODIE/BLUE JEANS/NORTH ON BROADWAY" Really all we need. 8) We are now going to "canvass". Get in the fucking car. We aren't going to get you shot you fucking pussy. Also, comments like "I can't believe this happened to me" or "I'm in shock" or "OH GOD WHY"- shove it. Save it for the bar later. If you haven't actually gotten shot, shived or stomped grow a fucking pair and close your mouth. 9) We are now going to drive around and try to arrest someone. Quick con-law refresher for the lib hippy types: if you're in my car, and have given me a description, THAT MEANS WE ARE STOPPING PEOPLE WHO FIT THAT DESCRIPTION. If you told me they are violent or armed, it's probably going to be a felony stop. So when you tell me it's a 15 year old black kid in a red hoodie with a silver pistol, don't be surprised when the car slams to a halt and we jump out and stop a 15 year old black kid in a red hoodie. I am not violating his rights, I am not hassling him because he's a minority. I'm stopping him because YOU GAVE US HIS FUCKING DESCRIPTION. If the kid is not the one who robbed you, he'll be on his way in five minutes. On the other hand, if he is the one who robbed you, he may decide to run/fight/pull out a gun - you don't stop suspected armed robbers by asking pretty please. If this offends you, get the fuck out of my car and go find the guy who mugged you yourself. 10) We failed to find your robber. No surprise: they've probably done this before and had an escape route all planned out. They were probably back in their apartment / subway / taxi before you even called 911. Don't bitch. It happens. This isn't Law And Order. 11) Yes, you are coming back to the precinct to make a fucking report. I'm sure the CO, Kelly and Bloomberg would be fucking thrilled if you didn't make a report as this helps the compstat stats (you watch the Wire, right?) but if I did all this fucking work, you're taking 30 minutes out of your day to make a god-damn report. Also, after you've finished venting about how we're all corrupt, racist, incompetent morons who probably got bullied in High School, you'll remember that you need a police report for your credit card companies, and you'll show up the next morning with a sheepish expression and ask to make a report. Let's do this now while the memory is still fresh. 11a) "You'll never catch the guy", "I don't remember much" and variations thereof are just insulting. Our detectives have been doing this job for years, and despite what TV/Movies taught you, only a small fraction are burned out alcoholics. They probably are going to catch this guy... eventually. 12) No racial language please. The odds are good you just got robbed by a black or hispanic male, and your buried-deep racism may be bubbling to the surface (especially if you're an out of town transplant / college student). The majority of the co-workers on my shift and in the DT squad are minority. It's embarrassing when you use racial slurs in front of them. Amazingly, most cops aren't racist, although we do have a universal contempt for crackheads, gang members, and dumbass white people. In conclusion: Don't be stupid, pay attention, call the cops, and don't be a dick. <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-09-18T15:48:12-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/845973660.html Tips For Clueless People Who Get Mugged text Baby Bird - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/845075963.html I'm fed up with watersports and feel Constrained by traditional dominant- submissive roles? I want to try a more nurturing role: feed me like a baby pelican! Both sexes welcome, males preferred. I will supply the raw herring and you bring the big strap-on beak. No weirdos. <ul> <li> Location: Your House <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-09-17T20:48:20-05:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/845075963.html Baby Bird - w4m text bag of butt plugs and/or mannequins parts http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/845032722.html ~~~~Mannequins have been picked up all we have now is the bag of butt plugs~~~~ Yeah that's right you hear me right, a bag of butt plugs and/or mannequins parts, the mannequins from a store have been disassembled and are laying all over the place, can you come and grab these ladies? We are tired of them all laying around doing nothing when we are all busting are asses all day. . . . and the bag of butt plugs, yes there is a bag, it's a large safeway or something brown paper bag, and it is filled to the brim with silicone(?) butt plugs, I would not actually recommend using them for their intended purpose as they have been sitting there for I don't know how long. They haven't been used and they are still in their plastic bags. They are an assortment of sizes and colors so if you are trying to do some crazy art piece or stick them to a friends car, or make a Halloween costume I would say get your ass down here and get these butt plugs off our hands! I mean c'mon a free bag O' butt plugs!!! Maybe you could combine the mannequins and butt plugs to give to a friend for their birthday, anyways just come get them, we don't want our trash men to think we are freaks. Store Hours noon-7 come by anytime tonight or tomorrow. 1158 Howard St. San Francisco between 7th and 8th Have a beautiful day! <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-09-17T18:09:04-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/845032722.html bag of butt plugs and/or mannequins parts text Tina, The Telemarketer Who Called Me Last Night - m4w http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/det/844446232.html Dear Tina, When you called me so unexpectedly at 6:00 last night, I was expecting a call from my sister and brother-in-law . I tried to explain to you that there were steaks on the grill and I had guests coming for dinner, so I really wasn't in a position to talk to you about a time-share in Vegas. You persisted. I am not the rude type, so I continued to indulge you rather than hanging up the telephone in your ear. I figure that probably happens quite often and you were only doing your job. However, I think we had a real misunderstanding and I'd like to set the record straight here. When I asked you what you were wearing you became very defensive. I am in sales myself and I am required to wear a suit and tie to work every, single day. I simply wanted to make sure you were prepared to make a good first impression. When I asked you what type of panties you were wearing it was because I wanted to make sure I was dealing with a "normal" person and not a pervert. Asking you if you were masturbating when you spoke with customers was my way of checking your professionalism. When you started making claims of sexual harassment, I was flabbergasted. There was really no need to call me names. I was also appalled that you had the audacity to hang up on me! Need I remind you that YOU called me? The least you could have done is to have been grateful that I took the time to speak to you in spite of the fact my steaks were burning. As for the Vegas time-shares, I am very interested. How about you come over to my place, bring a couple of steaks to grill (as you kind of owe me a few steaks anyway), and we can talk more. <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-09-17T13:52:32-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/det/844446232.html Tina, The Telemarketer Who Called Me Last Night - m4w text You reap what you sow: the greed of an archetypal Lehman douche http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/843443153.html Most of you deserve this, you really, truly do. You chose this road because it was easy and because youre stupid. This was and is the best youll ever do. You know who Im talking about. Im pointing the finger at you, you and you. And especially you. To all the overtanned Jersey douchebags with steroid addictions, to the smug Ivy League grads with dads in high places, to the good looking brain dead women that eschew Anne Taylor Loft for sales rack Brooks Brothers, and to the upwardly mobile black girls with fake hair and inappropriate-for-work Joyce Leslie outfits. Actually, scratch that. The black girls can stay. Fuck all of you. You brought this upon yourselves. Your Alpha male bullshit begat this greed, your vile existence is truly at the core of this collapse. For all the times you and your drunk cronies threw up on the street outside Pacha, for all the times you made a scene on the 3:51 LIRR train to Babylon, for all the times you stood on the Path train, or the 6, iPod in hand, desperately trying not to touch anyone. You had it coming. Is there some kind of code that says you MUST wear a blue shirt? Or is that some kind of unspoken bro ethos? Like, if youre the dude in the white button down in Bryant Park, is no one gonna blow you? Or is conforming just that much easier, is conformity just a part of your DNA? Is that really the true reason why youre so universally loathsome to anyone thats not a part of that vile world? Before the Bubble O Bullshit burst, you would laugh at me. You were the douche bags that felt superior, the ones who turned up their nose at their working-class roots, the ones who scoffed at their peers who worked at the Local Union. You were the ones who laughed at those that worked at non-profits and LIKED IT. Art History? What are you going to do with a major in Art History? Yeah, your finance major got you real fucking far. Maybe after this ship sails youll realize that aside from your rape trial, college didnt teach you much of anything. Sorry bro, but in the real world, you cant walk down the street, lacrosse stick in hand, and just get respect. I hope that with this smashup comes your own social foreclosure. I hope all those dudes from my high school -- you know who I'm talking about -- the ones that never got good grades, the ones that never knew how to act like decent human beings, the date rapists, the juicers, the guidos, the Quinnipiac or Iona grads that never should have graduated yet somehow landed cushy Wall Street jobs -- receive the guerdon from the gods . I hope youre evicted from your Upper East Side apartment, I hope your Denali gets repoed, I hope you cant afford your bullshit Murray Hill lifestyle. I hope you truly get your comeuppance. Because its well fucking deserved and the Universe knows it. And what about me, you ask? Im laughing all the way to the nonexistent bank. <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-09-16T17:57:10-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/843443153.html You reap what you sow: the greed of an archetypal Lehman douche text NO SUCH THING AS STORM SURGE! http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/gls/838444132.html The liberal scientists predicting "storm surge" (no such thing) are the same ones predicting "global warming" (no such thing) and trying to teach "evolution" (no such thing)! It's all just liberals trying to scare you into giving up your property and rights. Let the liberals run like the "educated" elitists they are, but everyone voting for McCain/Palin--- STAY AND PROTECT YOUR PROPERTY!!! <ul> <li> Location: Galveston Island <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-09-12T17:28:29-05:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/gls/838444132.html NO SUCH THING AS STORM SURGE! text Missed Connections Support Group -- forming NOW! http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/836807324.html Missed Connections Support Group Unable to function due to an addiction to Missed Connections? Always looking for your MC? Join us. This is a support group that will progress through several stages, as described below: Stage 1: